I don't deserve your love..

I choose to maintain my silence. I am keeping all my heartaches in my heart and to myself. I've got so many things which I would want to share with you but I choose to keep it to myself. I am a selfish person, I don't open up, keeps quiet when things happens and I am a unworthy boyfriend. I am someone who don't deserved any of your uncondition love. I really do know that you've given so much to this relationship and yet I chose to give it up.

I am sorry. I know no matter how many sorries I say to you won't help ease the pain but I still want to say that I am sorry that I've let you down once again. Two years of love is not as easy to give up as you though it would be for me. The four words was the hardest words which I have ever made myself say in my entire life and it hurts me deep just even attempting to say it.

You've suffered enough of my sucky attitude towards this relationship and I don't want to hurt you further yet in the process, I hurt you even more. I want you to know that although I choose to give up our relationship but that doesn't mean that I don't love you. I love you and I don't want to hurt you the third time. There shouldn't be a second time at all but it just did happen. I don't want you to cry for me again cos I don't think I am worth your tears. I want you to smile when you think of the happy things we have done together.

It maybe unfair to you that I am in a new environment and it maybe easier for me to cope but no.. It's even harder cos I've got no one I can turn to to share my sorrows with and no where to find my memories with you. I have to put up a brave front infront of people when I am with them but inside of me is in pain.

I don't expect you to understand or know why I am doing this cos I myself don't understand or even know what I am doing. Everything is in a mess right now, my life, my purpose here and now my relationship. So for now, I want my Baobei to have a better life than when you are with me, to have someone who deserves you alot more than I do, someone who won't hurt you as much as I did, someone who will give you happiness in everything which I didn't provide.. I want you to be happy.. You never know, maybe as time passes and after one big round/circle, we may be together again if God wants us to.

I am stoping here now but there is still so many things I want to say but I doubt I will be able to express them at all.. I sincerly hope that we could still be friends even thou we are not together anymore. I still want to meet up when I am back in November, see you in Hong Kong in August and Beijing in October. Can?

I love you. Please be happier then me. Also, you don't owe me anything.. It is me who owe you so much more.

With Love
Baobei...